Moving your body

starting…again

Posted by on Jul 27, 2012 in Conscious eating, Family, Food and Drink, Learning, Moving your body, Wholehearted | 1 comment

A week before my forty-eighth birthday I removed my rose colored glasses and looked myself in the eye. My upbeat and positive attitudes are a natural extension of the way I see the world and choose to live my life. Most of the time. I met my reflection in the mirror with a sigh. My journey to self-love would not have been possible without a conscious effort to release negative habits of self-sabotage or beating up on myself. Yet, as I squinted at myself in the glare of the overhead bathroom light I admitted that some of those old habits had slipped back into my life. Sigh. Once an emotional overeater always an emotional overeater. Releasing pounds and incorporating exercise didn’t magically erase that tendency in me. There’s no cure only free will. It’s a choice I make every day. Every meal. Every hour. Every minute.  And as my commitment to myself slipped so did my decisions. They were apparent in the scale and my lethargy and apathy—I was going through the motions of fitness. That’s all. I’ve been a CrossFit athlete for a year as of April and I gave myself permission to eat more and move less because I had worked so hard and I deserved a break and my muscles were so sore I could hardly squat to sit on the couch without being a drama queen—ooooowwww! And forget getting up and using my quads or glutes until I was direly close to peeing my pants! I never combined my CrossFit workouts with healthy eating and balanced activity the rest of the week. I did the workouts. I did not quit. I am stronger. I did not gain twenty pounds because I was doing CrossFit three times a week. I did gain ten, and no they are not muscles. I’d have to grow Mr. Universe type muscles to account for a weight gain from muscle mass! A pound of muscle and a pound of fat weigh the same but muscles take up less space, a lot less space under your skin. This is why muscles make your body look toned and firm instead of jiggly. I'm stronger but I'm still jiggly! The decision I made staring at my hopeful face was that I was done with being stuck; stuck in the cycle of feeling negative and eating to feel better and feeling worse and eating some more to feel better. It. Doesn’t. Work. I was done with being stuck and choosing to move forward. Again. Yes, again. And instead of seeing the negative aspects of starting again I chose to celebrate any step forward I was willing to make to get out of the quagmire. Serendipitously the timing of my self-talk coincided with the release a week later of ActiveLink from Weight Watchers. I don’t depend entirely on external motivators to nudge or lead me back on course because internal data is more vital to me: how I feel, my happiness quota, an increased energy level, craving protein instead of carbs! But I was excited by the challenge this tool represented and intrigued to see if it tracked as lauded. (We’ve been employee guinea pigs, reporting our experiences before it becomes available to our members.) After an eight day assessment Active Link labeled me an ‘occasional athlete’ and encouraged me to move more consistently throughout my day. I don’t earn activity points only for ‘workouts’ but for all my activity combined all day by using a technology similar to that used in a Wii controller to track movement. Cool, eh? The ActiveLink graphs show my activity...

Read More

Enough already!

Posted by on Sep 7, 2011 in Authenticity, Celebration, Challenges, Healing, Moving your body, Self worth, Wholehearted | 1 comment

This post is long overdue. Until this moment I was hesitant to write it and be authentic and vulnerable. I had eagerly anticipated our final bootcamp session at CrossFit on August 19th. That evening we bootcamp ladies and our coaches met for drinks and appetizers each of us stylin’ and unrecognizable to the others out of our workout clothes. Prizes were awarded to participants who had worked their butts off (literally!) and the results spoke volumes. Yes, I was happy for my classmates’ success but I was disappointed in myself. This is a repeat lesson for me.  I did my best but could have done better—my best wasn’t good enough. How did it become so ingrained in me not to celebrate my successes but to actually refuse to acknowledge their existence by beating myself up for an imagined expectation? I wallowed for a week. Then I realized I was using unhappiness to motivate myself. To do what? Try harder or quit.  The way I felt it was more likely I’d give up. As I wrestled with that demon I had another ‘aha’ moment. I was wallowing and beating myself up not only because I was disappointed in myself but because I was back full circle at this lesson again.  I’d dealt with this not enough issue over and over why was it back? Because I had dealt with it, put it to bed, made peace with it in those other scenarios—not this one. Ahhh. Got it. I wasn’t dealing with actually feeling not enough in this situation but what my feelings triggered when I first decided I was not enough. Oh, breakthroughs are incredibly freeing when they dazzle you with their shiny wisdom.  And I was buying into that belief again because I’d forgotten I had a choice.  With this awakening I chose a different way—no I don’t want to wallow in unhappiness, no I don’t like self-sabotaging myself, no I don’t want to quit, no I don’t want to live as though I am not enough. I choose to let go of expectation and be in the now and celebrate where I am. A human ‘bean’ with human issues like feeling and believing I’m not enough when those unworthy feelings are triggered. I could also delve into what ‘enough’ means to me but for now it is enough to know I am enough. Let me say that again: I am enough. Just. As. I. Am. Advanced Bootcamp begins next Monday and I will be there with my sneakers laced, my spirits high, and my expectations left…well I won’t leave them behind—I won’t give them life or breath to begin...

Read More

Aha

Posted by on Aug 23, 2011 in Caretaking, Family, Healing, Moving your body | 0 comments

I had an ‘aha’ moment this month. I realized that my life is really, really good.  The malaise I’ve felt since mom died has dissipated.  When I got myself out of my head and emotions by challenging my body I had to shift from grief to support this new focus and determination: it required me to take care of me. To eat healthy, get enough sleep, balance work and play. And I have done it consistently for almost four months. Moving my body has impacted every part of my life: work, relationships, mood, attention and focus, desire, activities, willingness to try new things. The list is endless. I feel good. I feel energized, motivated, and positive. I am happy. That was the moment—realizing that I’ll always miss her, and she’ll always be with me and I can still live my life and be happy. Huge, huge moment and I know she was right there experiencing my joy with...

Read More

Push

Posted by on Jul 26, 2011 in Challenges, Connections, Inspiration, Moving your body, Sports | 0 comments

Every time I go to CrossFit I go with an open mind. I don’t read the board with our daily workout on it and say, “No way!” Actually if we say something is too hard OR too easy we have to do extra burpees—so I’m mum! I show up, I do my best and then something happens inside of me that makes me push beyond what I thought of as possible for my body. I’ve been considering what causes that push. Positive competition? Sure, I don’t always want to be last. But it’s more than that; I’m drawing on a physical and mental reserve that I wasn’t aware was available to me. How did I access it? I think it’s similar to what happens to me in times of crisis—i.e. when a loved one breaks a bone. I’m calm and do what needs to be done even though before that moment I could never have imagined me doing anything like that. Especially not calmly. When I think I’m at the end of my energy, strength, or rope (literally) Coach Lindsay will say, “Come on Laura you can do it, one more rep!” Or one of my boot-camp buddies will ask, “How many more?” and I’ll gasp out ten and they’ll count down with me. And I do ten more sit-ups faster than I was doing them! Recently I was struggling through my last 100meter jog and Dana, who was finished, came back out to jog in with me, “You can do it, I’ll come with you!” Or Brin and I will catch each other’s eye during a tough part of the workout and grin and give a thumbs-up. Knowing that we’re all doing it together and giving it our all is a huge motivator. Their belief in me boosts my belief in myself. Their belief in me inspires me to dig deeper, reach farther, and last longer. Their belief in me is a tremendous gift. Their belief in me makes me believe in me, too. Their belief in me is what fuels that push—and makes anything possible.I’ve experienced repeatedly that we are all connected—we’re all in this (life) together. And whether we unite for a common cause of fitness, play, or business when we support and believe in one another’s goals and dreams we inspire a push beyond what one person alone can generate or create. We co-create an opportunity for possibility! Isn’t that an ingenious design!? Happy co-creating with your clients, partners, co-workers, and exercise buddies. Here’s to possibility! And a big shout out to my CF boot-camp buddies—we ROCK...

Read More

CrossFit

Posted by on Jun 11, 2011 in Aging, Challenges, Moving your body, Self worth, Wholehearted | 0 comments

A few weeks ago my daughter shared that she had found an exercise program she wanted to try. I asked her for the scoop. She said it was kinda intense and I may not like it. Now there’s a moment to savor: your child using child psychology on you to get you to do something you don’t want to do. LOL! She wasn’t pushy at all she suggested I look up CrossFit Pinnacle on Facebook and check out their website and mentioned there were lots of videos, too. I only looked briefly and I didn’t watch the videos as I thought intense might discourage me from what I thought I was capable of. I really am considered a wuss in our family, no upper body strength so don’t pass me a tight jar lid, but I am handy to have around if you need something light off a high shelf. LOL! Here’s the thing—my kid was inviting me to do something with her to get us both fit and healthy. All of her friends thought she was crazy as CrossFit has a reputation: way too hard. This was not only a chance to spend time with her but for us to share our goals and be there to encourage each other when it was tough. Plus she believed I could do it. This was a no-brainer—I was in. Here’s the portion of the website that resonated with me, and I was intrigued by a fitness program with these ideals: To us, fitness is a state of mind, way of being. It shows up in the way you talk, walk, sleep, eat, work, play, dress and relax. It is the physical embodiment of the character traits of honor, courage, confidence, discipline, integrity, responsibility, dedication, and joy. It is also instrumental in reducing the immediate and cumulative effects of stress and anxiety. We’ve found that the fitter a person is, the more he/she is physically able to do the things that bring joy and fun to life – everything from feeling strong, confident and energetic through your normal work day, running around with your kids, being physically active and playing sports, to traveling to remote corners of the earth. Being physically fit is inspiring, feels good, enriches your life, and adds both years to your life, and life to your years. People that are fit seem to have a clearer, more optimistic view of life. For us, the bottom line is this: Fitness allows you to live your best. Brin and I signed up for a women’s summer boot camp three mornings a week for three months. We survived completed week one yesterday. 😉 Is it intense? Hell yes. Is it hard? OMG. Am I sore? LOL! On the flip side am I energized, amazed, and confident after a workout? Yup! Here’s what I’ve learned about myself this week: when I decide to go for something I give it 110%, I don’t back down from a challenge, I like knowing someone’s got my back, I thrive on camaraderie and encouragement, my body can do waaaaay more than I believed, my thoughts limit me or set me free, I can do anything in sets of five! (Thanks LouBell & Nick!) Have you ever placed physical, mental, or spiritual limitations on yourself? I definitely had due to my age; I’ll be 47 this month; my physical make-up as weaker than most people; I’ve also had an achy hip for the last year. I’ve thrown these stories about myself out the window, wanna join me!? I will take this challenge one day at a time, one...

Read More

…lost and found…

Posted by on Feb 23, 2011 in Authenticity, Challenges, Conscious eating, Current Affairs, Food and Drink, Healing, Inspiration, Moving your body, Self worth, Spirituality, Wholehearted | 11 comments

When I first created this blog in 2009 my intention was to chronicle my weight loss journey. I wanted to keep myself accountable and to inspire others to go for the dreams they thought were out of their reach. While I was mom’s caretaker for the past year I had more issues with food and exercise than I believed possible! Wasn’t I past emotional eating? Didn’t I kick that habit when I lost fifty pounds? Then why was a cramming potato chips into my mouth while watching a late night movie? Why was I eating the high fat foods that I prepared for her because she enjoyed them so much? And why was I blaming her for my eating choices!? These were questions I demanded answers to halfway through the year as the stress of my new lifestyle took its toll. Yesterday I used my tracking journal to pull out my monthly weight since Nov 2009 when I weighed in at my lowest 140.5 I’d been hovering at 143 even though my Weight Watcher’s goal was 150 (for my height 5’10” the high end is 174). Mom moved in with us Thanksgiving 2009—barely three months later I weighed 145 and stayed within two pounds either side for the year. By January 2011 I was 150 and I weighed in today at 152. Now don’t think I’m obsessed with the scale it’s a tool not a God. But I had avoided the scale because I didn’t want to know—I didn’t want to feel as though I’d failed. I do know. My clothes are tight, and I feel sluggish and less energetic and those ten to twelve pounds are heavy and bogging me down—physically and emotionally. I felt way better at 145 but I felt awesome at 140 and will shoot for releasing the first five and then set another goal for releasing the next five. My coach reminded me to use intentional language like releasing because when I say I’ve lost a certain number of pounds I may find them again! I’ve been choosing comfort foods which mean carbs and sugar. (sigh) When we’ve eaten out I’ve ordered fried foods (gasp!) and slathered real mayonnaise on my sandwich and then asked for dessert. When I’m active and exercising regularly at a calorie burning level I wouldn’t think twice about splurging on a couple of meals each month to treat myself. But when it becomes weekly and then daily it slid into a habit or a crutch. I was using those late night cookies to numb myself or console myself, or even punish myself but yanno it doesn’t really help, or at least not for long. Grief is a process. It takes as long as it takes. I won’t find ‘I feel good about me’ at the bottom of a bag or box of anything! I’ve decided I can grieve and walk; grieve and laugh; grieve and eat healthy; grieve and love; grieve and release fat; grieve and live…until I’m done. For me grieving is about letting go—not simply the past or what could have been but my regrets, guilt, sadness, loss, and I’m ready. I’m ready to choose love and happiness. I’m ready to let go of all the things that are weighing me down and float into my future self as gently as a wind blown...

Read More