Self worth

celebrating…ME

Posted by on Jun 26, 2012 in Aging, Authenticity, Family, Food and Drink, Gifts, Love, Self worth, Wholehearted | 1 comment

During the past decade and a half I have grown emotionally and spiritually in ways I never would have foreseen. An inextricable foundation for this blossoming has been practicing extreme self care. I shifted from a place of believing that taking care of myself was selfish and silly to a life affirming empowering practice of giving to me as a reflection of how deeply I love and approve of myself. The chasm I crossed was huge, Grand Canyonish. And so the summer days leading up to my birthday were planned around being unplugged from my purple 'puter, filled with family and friends and surrounded by delectable food, laughter, and joy. Celebrating my birthday is all about being loved, and I am blessed to be loved in so many ways by so many precious people. Then the rain started and didn't stop—it still hasn't stopped. And I learned again (wash, rinse, repeat) the grace of flexibility and spontaneity as I canceled some plans due to weather and created new ones on the spot. I experienced the truth of my coach's wise words, Whatever is good and right for you is almost always what is good and right for everyone involved. Every day Friday through Monday has been a unique celebration of my first breath and I am still reveling in the love. There are unfortunately no photos of Jeff and I at Crescent Beach huddled under our bent beach umbrella (the wind was that strong) waiting out the sudden downpours until we could sit back and read again. (I love you JS!) The ocean was wild and magnificent and my soul rose up in mirror image of nature as a force of action envisoining the endless possibilities awaiting me, in this, my forty-eighth year....

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See it. Be it. Live it.

Posted by on Dec 7, 2011 in Authenticity, Challenges, Conscious eating, Creativity, Inspiration, Learning, Self worth, Wholehearted | 2 comments

For most of this year I have struggled with emotional eating, over eating, and craving comfort foods. In the beginning of my weight releasing journey I was focused on getting done with burning fat but I learned that it was a process and there was no way to do it but go through. The same with all life lessons from having a baby to losing a loved one. I had to wrap my head around the idea that once I released the excess pounds that maintaining my weight might be a challenge but I didn’t imagine it would be more challenging than my original journey. Oh my—it is. And I realize I have not listened to my wise self and I have gained rather than maintained. At 140 lbs. I heard, you’re too thin from a few people—I hadn’t heard those words since I was nine years old! In 2009 when my mom and her love of sweets moved in with us I gained five pounds and I was okay with that because others thought I was too thin. I liked how I felt at 140 but I could live with the gain. When mom was sick last Christmas and died in January—I gained five pounds in a few weeks. They stuck. Every trip I’ve taken this year I’ve gained 3-4 pounds and then struggled for what felt like forever to let them go. It's not about the number but how I feel—heavier and less energized. Since starting CrossFit I have definitely seen and felt a difference in my body (yes, besides sore muscles!) but I haven't lost weight. Yes, I built muscle. Yes, I’m stronger and have more stamina. I still have a ways to go to be toned but I’ll get there one workout at a time. But I see that I slowly gave up on all my other exercise; walking, biking, dancing, and I felt sorry for my poor sore body and didn’t I deserve a reward for all my effort? I reverted to thinking of foods as good, bad, and evil. Guess where all my comfort foods lie out of those three categories? It has taken me all year to realize I’ve been stuck in diet mentality. My Weight Watchers leader Stacey mentioned this in a meeting last week and I had an Aha! moment. I wasn’t consciously depriving myself but now I see that’s why when I broke down and binged I could disappear a half a pan of brownies. Poof! The thinking is: scarf as much as possible because it may be months before I get this again. Then came the cycle of guilt, admonishment, feeling bad about myself, which triggers a whole ‘nother emotional food-fest, followed by the question why bother exercising after eating all that!? I was discouraged. I was tired of the struggle. I’d lost my way. I'd forgotten that this journey is a process—not about getting to done. There is no done for this over eater/emotional eater. For me the first step to getting back on track is to pick myself up. I wanted something to lift my spirits and energy. I needed a vision. Once I became aware of my thinking I was on board immediately with letting go of diet brain—I know diets don’t work yet I had reverted to my comfort zone. I needed to stretch myself out of that supposed comfortable place of excess and ease and get back up. I needed to see it. Be it. Live it. Not a DIEt but a LIVEit. Isn’t it interesting that evil in reverse is LIVE? Hmmmm....

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Enough already!

Posted by on Sep 7, 2011 in Authenticity, Celebration, Challenges, Healing, Moving your body, Self worth, Wholehearted | 1 comment

This post is long overdue. Until this moment I was hesitant to write it and be authentic and vulnerable. I had eagerly anticipated our final bootcamp session at CrossFit on August 19th. That evening we bootcamp ladies and our coaches met for drinks and appetizers each of us stylin’ and unrecognizable to the others out of our workout clothes. Prizes were awarded to participants who had worked their butts off (literally!) and the results spoke volumes. Yes, I was happy for my classmates’ success but I was disappointed in myself. This is a repeat lesson for me.  I did my best but could have done better—my best wasn’t good enough. How did it become so ingrained in me not to celebrate my successes but to actually refuse to acknowledge their existence by beating myself up for an imagined expectation? I wallowed for a week. Then I realized I was using unhappiness to motivate myself. To do what? Try harder or quit.  The way I felt it was more likely I’d give up. As I wrestled with that demon I had another ‘aha’ moment. I was wallowing and beating myself up not only because I was disappointed in myself but because I was back full circle at this lesson again.  I’d dealt with this not enough issue over and over why was it back? Because I had dealt with it, put it to bed, made peace with it in those other scenarios—not this one. Ahhh. Got it. I wasn’t dealing with actually feeling not enough in this situation but what my feelings triggered when I first decided I was not enough. Oh, breakthroughs are incredibly freeing when they dazzle you with their shiny wisdom.  And I was buying into that belief again because I’d forgotten I had a choice.  With this awakening I chose a different way—no I don’t want to wallow in unhappiness, no I don’t like self-sabotaging myself, no I don’t want to quit, no I don’t want to live as though I am not enough. I choose to let go of expectation and be in the now and celebrate where I am. A human ‘bean’ with human issues like feeling and believing I’m not enough when those unworthy feelings are triggered. I could also delve into what ‘enough’ means to me but for now it is enough to know I am enough. Let me say that again: I am enough. Just. As. I. Am. Advanced Bootcamp begins next Monday and I will be there with my sneakers laced, my spirits high, and my expectations left…well I won’t leave them behind—I won’t give them life or breath to begin...

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Back to the basics

Posted by on Aug 16, 2011 in Celebration, Challenges, Connections, Inspiration, Love, Self worth | 1 comment

There’s a wise saying that goes something like, you teach what you most need to learn. In this instance I wasn’t teaching but sharing a practice my friend and I learned almost twenty-five years ago: happiness is a choice. My friend was stuck in a negative loop with her family wanting them to be happy but choosing to be unhappy because they were.  We sat together for several hours and reminded ourselves of the basics of what we knew but had forgotten to practice: Be the change you want to see.If you want happiness in your life be happy. Be happy first.Not once you get something or somewhere—circumstances and others do not create happiness—we choose to be happy. Don’t take another’s unhappiness or judgments personally.It’s not all about YOU. Let the unhappy person own their own unhappiness don’t accept responsibility for it. Happiness is empowering and clarifying.You can see exactly where you want to go and what actions will take you there. Happiness works with the law of attraction The energy you expend is what will be reflected back to you—positive or negative it’s your choice. Change your thoughts, change your lifeThat statement may seem Pollyannaish but in my experience it is absolute truth. When I change the way I look at things, the things I look at change (Wayne Dyer). My friend doubted she could choose happiness in the maelstrom of unhappiness she was engulfed in.  As she shared her fears I was reminded that it’s our humanness to cling to our beliefs: it’s hard to be happy, or to blame someone else, or to react instead of respond. As humans we get invested in being right instead of loving. Choosing happiness is choosing love—for yourself and everyone else involved.  Ghandi’s wise words could not be more empowering: Be the change you want to see. A note to my deeply loved friend: you are the happiest person I know, the way you live your life inspires me to live my best life, thank you for your trust, thank you for re-minding me of the basics, I needed to hear these wise words again and re-live the lesson I lived over and over with mom and am still living—give up being right and be loving. Many wise souls have summed up their wisdom in a few basic words: Love is the answer. Love is the key.  Love in action. The greatest of these is love.  You always remind me that love always wins so I’ll re-mind you— love always wins. All...

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You look great!

Posted by on Jul 29, 2011 in Authenticity, Celebration, Connections, Inspiration, Love, Self worth | 0 comments

By LexnGer What do you DO with a compliment? Yes, I realize now a response or action is required to complete the exchange. Have you considered that if you don’t DO anything with a compliment you’re rejecting a gift? I wondered that exact thought last week when two people paid me specific compliments and after I thanked the person I habitually brushed the compliment aside with a negative thought. I didn’t accept it, celebrate it, revel in it, or demonstrate it in any way. That would be selfish, right? Yup, the old me definitely thought that. The ‘me’ who was overweight, unhappy, and inauthentic. That old me inside reared her unwanted head to blow off both compliments because it’s not okay to think too much of yourself or puff yourself up with importance. And that’s not what I wanted at all. I wanted to feel how good it felt to be complimented to bask in that glow and let it revitalize my batteries for a while. So what’s stopping me from basking but me? Aha. What others might think of me. But yanno I laid that burden down and it’s too darn heavy to pick up again. #1: A Weight Watchers member read my name tag and my weight loss and said, “You’re so thin, you look great. I want to look just like you!”  I stuffed a sock in ‘old me’ and thanked the member authentically. I told her that it had been hard work to get here and it ‘takes a village’ and I was honored to inspire her and if there was ever anything I could do I really wanted to help her get to her ‘great’, too. #2: My young, sweet, and amazingly fit coach at CrossFit always tells us what a great job we’ve done and how proud she is of us, and she said to me as Brin and I were leaving after a particularly tough session, “Laura, you’re my hero.” And I laughed and thanked her but gave that compliment a lot of thought. She’s the one who’s fit and met her goals and yet I inspire her? Wow. I do? How empowering. And I get it. Because even though it’s hard for me I persevere. I’m committed to myself and I’m committed to my bootcamp buddies. Thank you Lindsay for opening my eyes to see that inspiration isn’t one-directional—it flows both ways. You inspire with your passion for what you do and the people you train which makes you wise beyond your years. What do you DO with a compliment dear reader? My wish for you is to embrace a compliment with open arms, maybe even the person offering it. 😉 Accept the gift.  Don’t hesitate to celebrate you and your accomplishment. Revel baby,...

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CrossFit

Posted by on Jun 11, 2011 in Aging, Challenges, Moving your body, Self worth, Wholehearted | 0 comments

A few weeks ago my daughter shared that she had found an exercise program she wanted to try. I asked her for the scoop. She said it was kinda intense and I may not like it. Now there’s a moment to savor: your child using child psychology on you to get you to do something you don’t want to do. LOL! She wasn’t pushy at all she suggested I look up CrossFit Pinnacle on Facebook and check out their website and mentioned there were lots of videos, too. I only looked briefly and I didn’t watch the videos as I thought intense might discourage me from what I thought I was capable of. I really am considered a wuss in our family, no upper body strength so don’t pass me a tight jar lid, but I am handy to have around if you need something light off a high shelf. LOL! Here’s the thing—my kid was inviting me to do something with her to get us both fit and healthy. All of her friends thought she was crazy as CrossFit has a reputation: way too hard. This was not only a chance to spend time with her but for us to share our goals and be there to encourage each other when it was tough. Plus she believed I could do it. This was a no-brainer—I was in. Here’s the portion of the website that resonated with me, and I was intrigued by a fitness program with these ideals: To us, fitness is a state of mind, way of being. It shows up in the way you talk, walk, sleep, eat, work, play, dress and relax. It is the physical embodiment of the character traits of honor, courage, confidence, discipline, integrity, responsibility, dedication, and joy. It is also instrumental in reducing the immediate and cumulative effects of stress and anxiety. We’ve found that the fitter a person is, the more he/she is physically able to do the things that bring joy and fun to life – everything from feeling strong, confident and energetic through your normal work day, running around with your kids, being physically active and playing sports, to traveling to remote corners of the earth. Being physically fit is inspiring, feels good, enriches your life, and adds both years to your life, and life to your years. People that are fit seem to have a clearer, more optimistic view of life. For us, the bottom line is this: Fitness allows you to live your best. Brin and I signed up for a women’s summer boot camp three mornings a week for three months. We survived completed week one yesterday. 😉 Is it intense? Hell yes. Is it hard? OMG. Am I sore? LOL! On the flip side am I energized, amazed, and confident after a workout? Yup! Here’s what I’ve learned about myself this week: when I decide to go for something I give it 110%, I don’t back down from a challenge, I like knowing someone’s got my back, I thrive on camaraderie and encouragement, my body can do waaaaay more than I believed, my thoughts limit me or set me free, I can do anything in sets of five! (Thanks LouBell & Nick!) Have you ever placed physical, mental, or spiritual limitations on yourself? I definitely had due to my age; I’ll be 47 this month; my physical make-up as weaker than most people; I’ve also had an achy hip for the last year. I’ve thrown these stories about myself out the window, wanna join me!? I will take this challenge one day at a time, one...

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