I’m okay with that

My Christmas gift to myself was to redecorate my bedroom. I wanted paint, carpet, trim, the whole shebang. I used this project as a guinea pig to test new processes to break a task down into action steps. It felt overwhelming as a whole. When I’m overwhelmed I take no action. So I created a storyboard and the visual steps felt extremely foreign to me but were particularly helpful:

Here’s what I needed to learn again. Patience. Process. I set aside my vacation week between Christmas and New Year’s Day. We took our time and did tackled one portion a day. The first time we painted it was with a base coat Jeff had surprised me with, a soft lavender color which he thought I would love. Is there another color besides purple? When we finished Brin stood back and said, Momma it looks like a Unicorn puked in here. Sadly I agreed. It was the perfect color for a bedroom for a four year old princess. Back to Lowe’s for more paint.I was okay with that.

I agonized over shades of purple so long and completely that Jeff was able to make his escape to another part of the store without me stopping him. Once I was alone I put all the paint chips named purple mist and grapesicle back in their little slots. I took a deep breath closed my eyes and felt the feeling I wanted when I opened my eyes in bed in the morning. I started picking color brochures of landscapes: the ocean, the mountains, the forest, and then…canyons. That was the feeling—the sun illuminating the oranges and yellows in the canyon wall. Who knew? Huh. No purple? I was okay with that.

The green is called Willow Tree but as we slathered it on the bookcase it looked more and more like baby poop. So it’s a doo over—and I’m okay with that. I couldn’t be more surprised by my attitude towards the completion of this long overdue project. I’m in tune with the process and have faith I will find the ideal hue for the bookcase and have not bemoaned the expense of the baby poop paint as a waste. It was an investment in discovering what worked for me and what didn’t. Now I know. And I’m okay with that.

Have I suddenly evolved into a patient-in-the-moment person instead of the impatient, controlling, I-must-get-finished-so-I-can-be-happy person I used to be? Huh. What happened? I made a decision. I chose to immerse myself in process and be present instead of getting to done.  The walls and ceiling are painted, the trim is stained but not yet installed, the carpet has been laid, there is only a bed and a nightstand in the room, there’s no curtain on the window ( I tack up a piece of material at night), it still smells faintly of paint. The room is in transition and I am along for the ride. I’m okay with that.